Q. Hi Auntie Pearl, me and my man have been bymekaar since high school, and we’ve been hitched for almost six solid years now.
We got a laaitie, and everything’s been kwaai so far.
But then end of last year he lands this new gig and wham, he’s got this buddy from work. They’re like two peas in a pod, always going fishing and hanging out together on the weekends.
Now mense are calling them the “bromance” of the century, even my own friends and family.
Auntie, my man ain’t never been into guys, but lately I’m seeing things like they are all cuddly and touchy. They sit next to each other on the couch, they chat for hours. And get this, they even say “love you” to each other.
I know he’s never said that to another guy before, not even his own pa.
Auntie, sometimes I feel jealousy creeping in. My conversations with my hubby are all bot goeters - bills, chores, and our laaitie.
I tried chatting with my man about how I’m feeling, but then he asks if I want him to ditch his friend. I don’t, but I’m feeling a mix of frustration and resentment building up. Any advice for a sista?
A. Meisie, are you really wondering if your hubby is practicing for a remake of Brokeback Mountain? That’s nogals a serious situation you are sitting with in your marriage.
Now Auntie is not saying you have nothing to worry about, but maybe this really is just a bromance. A deep male bonding, not just the superficial stuff like when ouens talk soccer over a lekker braai.
There’s nothing wrong with men being close and actually having an emotional connection, but the problem comes when it is affecting your marriage.
Remember what Princess Diana said after she and Charles broke up? She said she felt like there were three people in her marriage… ja, she was talking about Camilla. En kyk nou.
It sounds like you are in a similar situation.
Again, nobody is saying your man and his buddy are more than friends, but if you’re feeling like the third wheel in your own marriage, you have to do something.
Auntie is glad to hear that you at least have raised the issue with your man, and it seems like you two actually can have a serious talk. This communication is crucial in a marriage.
But the answer to this situation is not your hubby going to an extreme like ditching his friend. All you need to do is set some boundaries.
You have to tell him that you want to spend more time with him and work on deepening your relationship. Ensure him that his friend is still welcome, but maybe they can hang out a bit less.
Auntie is sure if you and you hubby make an effort to spend some more time connecting, and not just managing your household with the bills and the laaitie, your connection will become stronger and deeper, and soon all your worries will be gone.
Q. Hey Auntie Pearl, my hubby’s got this thing where every few months or so he shaves off his hair like really short. To be honest, I hate it!
Normally, he rocks a kwaai little afro, but then he goes and shaves it all off, and I’m left wondering who let the lawnmower loose in the house.
Now, don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked about it plenty of times. We're pretty open with each other, and he’s not the sensitive type, thank goodness.
But no matter how many times we chat, he insists it’s his decision and that’s that. Meanwhile, I’m stuck feeling like I’m married to a soccer ball.
I love my man, Auntie, I really do. But during these buzz-cut episodes, let's just say he’s not winning any beauty contests.
Am I being too controlling here? Should I just swallow my pride and accept that he’s the master of his own hair destiny?
From Beehive
A. So, your hubby’s got a thing for going all The Rock on his hair every now and then, huh? And you’ve chatted about it, you’ve expressed your feelings, but it seems like he’s sticking to his guns.
Speaking of guns, Auntie assumes he doesn’t have all those lekker spiere like The Rock…
Anyway, Beehive, you have to realise that everyone’s entitled to rock the hairstyle they feel most comfortable with, even if it means shaving their kop as clean as a crystal ball.
But, we all understand that it can be a bit frustrating when your other half doesn’t seem to consider your feelings.
It might be time to try a different approach. Instead of gaaning aan about his kaalkop, why not try giving him some positive reinforcement?
When his hair is grown out and in a style that you smaak, give him baie compliments about how kwaai and sexy he looks.
At the end of the day, my dear, marriage is all about compromise. So while it’s okay to express your preferences, sometimes you gotta let your hubby rock his own style, even if it’s not your cup of tea.