Lavender Hill women unite to heal

Valerie Adams, Margaret Arendse, Naema Moses, Mary Bam, Veronica Kroukamp, Sheila Jacobs and Lorna Snyman are from Lavender Hill, a place that has not enjoyed flattering media coverage over the years. It’s an area in which crime is rife.

The common thread that binds these women is that they are all survivors of domestic abuse.

The seven women have written their stories to highlight the challenges facing women living and raising families in a community ravaged by gang violence. Their book is titled Women Surviving Lavender Hill and was written as part of a two-year project in partnership with local NGO, New World Foundation.

Kim Pillay, of the foundation, said the concept was based on a programme in which a group of women were asked to record their experiences as part of a healing process.

The women tell stories of surviving abuse, the loss of relatives to gang-related crimes and how they overcame the daily challenges of living in the area. For Adams, 66, who’s called Lavender Hill home for over 40 years, telling her story was a way of facing trauma and defeating it.

“I went through a lot of things when I was growing up, being sexually abused by my godfather and later physically abused by my husband and then my last-born son,” she told Weekend Argus.

“My son was on drugs for many years and he used to abuse me and extended this abuse to my husband when he got sick. When both my husband and mother died within years of each other, I felt very lost. When I started writing down what had happened to me, it made me heal.

“When my grandson, who was only 15 years old, was shot dead three months ago, I was able to cope and help my daughter go through her grief as well. This writing project has brought me and these other ladies closer together. We have become sisters who went through terrible experiences and are healing ourselves.”

Kroukamp, 62, said when her son, a reformed gangster, was shot dead, she was inspired to open up about parenting a gangster.

“I went through a lot with my son who was introduced to being a drug dealer when the football club he was playing for as a youngster turned

into a drug-dealing gang,” she said. “When you are a mother to a son who is breaking the law, it puts a strain on the entire family, especially when they bring those activities home, exposing us to a life of police breaking down our doors to search for drugs or guns.

“As a mother, I found myself having to physically remove drug lords from my house, as they were delivering drugs to be sold as my son.

“But when he finally left the drug world, he became a God-fearing man who helped me with the soup kitchen I ran in the community. In fact the day before he was shot dead, he was with me distributing meat parcels to the community.

“We women need to speak out, that is what Women’s Day and month should be about. Too many women are quiet.”

For Bam, 61, who left school at the age of 11 to find employment to help support her family, two failed marriages to abusive husbands motivated her to get involved with community projects and helping others find their voice.

“Because I left school so young, I taught myself how

to read and write by listening to people and reading everything I could get my hands on, be it newspapers or pamphlets until I knew every word,” she said.

“Everywhere I went, I wrote down everything I saw and experienced, so when it was suggested that I write a book about my experiences, it made sense. I got married at a young age to a sexy pastor, against my father’s wishes. And 27 years into our marriage, my husband was abusing me. The only regret I have is that I did not speak out about what was happening to me back then.”

The book launch is on Women’s Day at the Artscape Theatre at noon.

Weekend Argus