RAAK WYS: Cape robber tells hiker to quit smoking after stealing cash

Hiking in Cape Town or South Africa in general is not for the weak, especially if you’re doing it alone.

The views are elite, yes. The sunset is majestic, yes. But sometimes the mountain decides to humble you with a full-blown life lesson, delivered by a robber who clearly didn’t read the criminal handbook.

Solo traveller @davidschmitz98 shared his experience on Instagram after heading up Signal Hill alone to catch the sunset. Normal plan. Bad timing.

According to Schmitz, he was this close to the end of the trail when things went left.

“I swear it was two minutes before I arrived at the end of the hiking trail, I was alone, there was a guy standing in my way. He grabbed my shirt and said, ‘Where are you from? Where are you going?’”

Already too many questions for someone you didn’t invite. Then came the classic: “Where is your phone?”

Now, to be fair, Schmitz thought he was prepared. He had two bags, his phone hidden under his clothes, and a bit of cash in a backpack - which he offered up instead.

“I was like, ‘I only got this with me’,” he said.

The robber took the money, then asked for the backpack too. Because greed doesn’t clock out early.

Schmitz pushed back. “I told him, no man, I need my backpack. There is nothing in there, I can show you.”

He showed him the bag  which included “something” to smoke. And this is where the story officially stops making sense.

“He saw it and then told me, ‘Hey, don’t smoke man’.”

Excuse me? A robber giving wellness advice? Sir, please focus on the crime.

The backpack survived. The money didn’t. But even that wasn’t straightforward. While holding the cash, the robber asked, very politely, “Can I take it?”

At this point, Schmitz was just as confused as we are.

“I said, brother, what answer do you expect me to say?”

Then came the cherry on top. The robber claimed he was part of a gang, went full "sterk gesig" (Afrikaans for putting on a tough, intimidating front) and proceeded to give Schmitz tips on gang signs and what to say in “gang language”.

So yes. He got robbed. But he also got a free tutorial.

Reflecting on the experience, Schmitz said: “I guess the story about Cape Town is true. But I still love it here, but I will definitely not go on a solo hike in this country anymore.”