One of the very first pieces I wrote on this page was about a friend of mine who had a sexual affair with one of her high school teachers.
She told me the story many years ago, after realising how she had been intimidated, groomed and ultimately abused by an older man in a position of power.
While she feels terrible, she never laid any criminal charges, largely because she feels that her “willing” participation will be interpreted as consent.
Her story is not what many people consider to be abuse.
There was no violence involved. She was in her teens.
She even describes how exciting it was to have her teacher be interested in her in that way.
But now, she realises now how she had been groomed, and how she probably wasn’t his only victim before, during or afterwards.
AFFAIRS: Bishops history teacher and water polo coach Fiona Viotti ‘seduced’ young boys at the expensive school. Picture: Supplied.
It is a delicate time for teenagers with their raging hormones, peer pressure and bravado.
An unprincipled teacher could very easily take advantage of such a situation.
As you may have suspected, it brings me to the story about Fiona Viotti, the Bishops teacher who allegedly seduced matriculants at the all-boys school.
I have seen all the “locker-room banter” from guys on social media, making light of the scandal and saying how they wish they had been one of those boys.
Others even joked that they plan to go back to matric and will be playing water polo.
Viotti was the history teacher and water polo coach.
But let’s just be honest about what happened here.
And let’s ask ourselves how we would really feel if it was our son that this happened to.
DEFEND: Lawyer William Booth will defend Fiona Viotti. Picture: Supplied.
It’s one thing to innocently fantasize about the cute teacher, it’s another thing entirely when that fantasy becomes a reality that you have to live with for the rest of your life - girl or boy.
I can tell you that from my friend’s perspective, she wishes her parents had noticed and done something about it.
She’s mad at that teacher for having abused her trust and used his position of power for selfish and ultimately criminal intentions.
We are quick to point out that abuse is abuse, in all contexts, irrespective of gender.
The men who giggle about the Bishops issue are also the ones who disregard stories of men who are physically abused by their female partners, or raped.
I understand we are essentially a conservative, chauvinistic society, but we are also smart.
And therefore there is no excuse for our inability or unwillingness to think deeply about our circumstances.
We should all guard what comes out of our mouths, or social media accounts.
We should start be recognising that there are all types of people in this world.
Behind the hard exterior that society forces on us, some men are soft, empathetic and caring creatures, for whom something like this could be as psychologically and emotionally destructive as it became for my female friend.
The fact that they don’t show it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Abuse erodes our society and isn’t less destructive based on the gender of the victim.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za