The much-anticipated matric results were released last week. Social media lit up with proud family and friends of matriculants who had passed their final school exams.
Some people question what the big deal is. They say: “It’s only matric. Nothing special.”
Yet what is “nothing special” to one may mean the world to others. For some parents and learners, it is the culmination of many years of sacrifices and hard work.
I know many parents who worked overtime or more than one job to afford tutors, transport and school fees, and even food over the years.
So when a child passes matric, it is something special.
Sadly, as I was scrolling through all the congratulatory posts on social media, I came across some horrible ones of adults mocking learners who did not pass their final matric exams.
I have difficulty describing exactly how I felt, though immediately, the following questions came to mind:
- Do we know the home circumstances of the learner who did not pass?
- Do we know the financial circumstances of the learner who did not pass?
- Do we know the mental wellness of the learner who did not pass?
- And do we know all or any of the above – not only in their matric year, but throughout their entire school career?
If we are honest, the answer to the above will be no. Yet, as a community, we continue to be our own worst enemies and would instead break each other down than build each other up.
Mental health still has a huge stigma around it, and often, parents are so busy working and paying the bills that they don’t even realise that something is wrong, much less be able to afford professional treatment for their children when this hits.
Our youth are very vulnerable. We must remember that most kids come from poor communities and do not have much to look forward to. Staggering youth unemployment figures are enough to put them into a state of despair and hopelessness.
They may do very well at school and have great ambitions, but have very little opportunity and resources at their disposal.Add to that the pressure society puts on children to perform well academically, and we sit with a massive problem.
Identifying mental health issues and then finding access to the platforms which can help, is easier said than done in low-income communities.
In 2023, Abdurahman Kenny, Mental Health Portfolio Manager for Pharma Dynamics, suggested how parents and caregivers could become more aware of behavioural changes in their children to provide them with the proper support.
1. Be there for your child
Show empathy and understanding, even if they don’t want to talk to you or do much of anything. Depression makes even doing the smallest of tasks difficult. Validate their emotions, but not their unhealthy behaviour. Ask questions about their mood in a non-threatening way.
Don’t be judgemental or try to solve their problems; listen to them and let them know that you are there for them while showing compassion for what they’re going through.
2. Focus on the positive
Compliment them on the positive things they do, even if it’s just going to school, setting the dinner table or helping with the dishes.
Try not to drill on negative points but acknowledge that they’re trying. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap out of it, they would, but depression doesn’t work that way. Showing appreciation for the little things will strengthen your relationship.
3. Encourage self-care
While it may be difficult for your teen to look after themselves while they’re feeling depressed, it’s vitally important. Getting regular exercise, eating healthy meals, sleeping enough, participating in sports and wholesome hobbies that make them feel good about themselves, limiting screen time and social media use, practising gratitude by keeping a journal, encouraging social interaction, setting achievable goals are all things they can do that will improve their mood and self-esteem.
4. Set boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential for youth to form positive relationships with others. Setting these limits creates physical and emotional safety, so they know what is acceptable and what is not. Even when they are depressed, rules should be respected.
5. Get them the help they need
Discuss going to a therapist if their mood doesn’t improve. If they don’t want to go, ask how you can help. If they tell you to back off, don’t retaliate with anger. It may just be their way of telling you they need space. Accept their response and give them some more time to think about it.
If they don’t come back to you, ask your GP to recommend a few therapists. Then put the suggested therapists to your teen and ask them to choose. It’s essential to make them feel involved in the process, which sets the stage for effective therapy.
For more information on how to manage depression, visit mydynamics.co.za or call Pharma Dynamics’ toll-free helpline on 0800 205 026, which is manned by trained counsellors who are on call from 8am to 8pm, seven days a week.
To those who have passed their matric exams, I wish you all the best for the future. To those who did not, I wish you the same.
Not getting over the final hurdle of matric exams is not the end of the world. How you pick yourself up and move forward is what’s important.
As for the adults mocking the distress of children, perhaps you should try therapy!
dailyvoice@inl.co.za