Q: Hi Auntie, I need your advice on a tricky situation with my boyfriend.
We’ve been together for an amazing year, and I’ve never felt happier. But now we’ve hit a roadblock that has me feeling torn.
You see, my berk has a job that has something to do with safety and security, and it requires him to maintain a strict no-drugs policy.
I used to think that maybe I also want to get into that business, but things have changed.
Now I find myself smaaking a zol again. Just a casual smoke, nothing hectic, you know.
First I thought I should keep it a secret from him, but I decided to be open and honest.
But when I mentioned it, he tuned me it is a deal breaker for him.
He used to blaze too, but quit for his job. And now he’s saying if I choose to get any kind of geroek, he’ll end our relationship.
I can understand he doesn’t want to smoke weed because he wants to keep his job, but is it really such a big deal that I get a bietjie high? He won’t even discuss a compromise.
Am I the one putting marijuana above our relationship, or is he the one doing it?
I’ve agreed not to smoke, but I’m struggling to move past this situation.
I really don’t like how he just put his foot down and threatened to gooi ’n lange if I don’t do as he says. I’m worried this might set a pattern of ultimatums in our relationship.
– From Chanelle
A: Sjoe meisie, Auntie can understand why you’re all stressed about this situation… nobody wants to see their relationship go up in smoke.
Just before we get into helping you, let Auntie sommer make it clear right from the start, I do not support any drug use or abuse! And that includes booze and vaping!
Now, moving on. There’s one thing Auntie is not sure about, and this is probably the crux of the situation.
Is your boyfriend totally against smoking boom, or is this just about his job?
You are going to have to find out. So have a serious talk, and ask him straight why he is really so against you wanting to have a puff every now and then.
Maybe there’s some deeper issue bothering him, but make sure to tell him you ain’t choosing the Devil’s lettuce over your relationship.
If this is really about his job, you must respect that because it is clearly important to him, and something that he loves and works hard at.
Just don’t let him put you in a corner with his ultimatums, darling. Ain’t nobody got time for that kind of drama.
Tell him plain and simple that you won’t be bossed around like that, and that you need a healthier way to sort out your differences.
If he’s throwing around threats of breaking up if he doesn’t get his way (even if it is over something reasonable), you gotta ask yourself if this guy’s really worth all the trouble.
Relationships are about understanding and compromise, not power plays and threats.
If he’s not willing to talk it out, and you’re not willing to give up on Mary Jane, then maybe the two of you ain’t the right fit for each other.
Q: What’s up, Auntie Pearl? You have to give me some wysheid about what is going on in my life. Let me explain…
I’m a married man in my 40s. I have a part-time job, and I also like to do some acting.
I’ve had a gig in an advert or two, but mostly it’s small stage plays and I have not had my big break.
There was this play two years ago I was part of, and I developed a crush on one of the cast members. She is a bit younger than me, and has very sexy eyes. Yoh Auntie, I got jas every time I saw her!
Don’t worry, I never acted on my feelings, because I don’t want to be a joller. Also, she didn’t show any interest in me that way.
I managed to finish the play and moved on. I never saw that beauty again.
Fast forward to this year and I am again jas for a girl in this other play. But this time, I think there is a chance I can score.
I’m not saying I want to cheat, and even though my marriage is not the best, my wife and I have always been faithful. Auntie, why am I always crushing on these women? How can I stop it?
– From JJ.
A: JJ, let Auntie sommer first off salute you for thinking with what’s on your neck, and not with what’s in your pants.
It can take some serious will power to keep those jas feelings in check, especially when your relationship is wonky and someone’s got eyes that make your heart do the kwaito dance.
But let’s cut to the chase. Why are you catching feels like you’re playing Pokemon Go? Auntie thinks there might be more to it than just some random gevoelens.
Crushes are like a wild goose chase. They lead you on a merry dance, distracting you from the real stuff you should be sorting out.
Instead of asking yourself why you are getting these feelings, you should be asking why your marriage is “not the best” and what you can do about it.
Instead of chasing after these crushes like a kid chasing after the ice cream van, focus that energy on your marriage.
Start by setting some boundaries and don’t be putting yourself in situations where you're tempted to do something stupid.Now it’s time to get your marriage back on track. What can you do to sprinkle a bit of spice back into it? Maybe it’s time to take your wifey on a date night or two.
Perhaps it's time to have a good old heart-to-heart about what's been weighing heavy on your minds lately.
Remember, JJ, every marriage has its potholes. But it’s how you navigate the road that counts.
So, put those crushes on the back burner and focus on reigniting the flame in your marriage. And who knows, maybe you’ll find that the grass isn’t greener on the other side – it’s right there in your own backyard.
** Talk to pear: SMS “Pearl” and your message to 33258, or email dearauntiepearl@gmail.com.