We are the sum of our experiences and the products of our environments.
We don’t have to be, but it is the inescapable truth of being human.
More than a thousand of you came for me on social media after what I had to say about Joshlin Smith’s mom Kelly last week.
You saw it as me defending Kelly and her suspected actions that led to the disappearance of her little girl.
Let me get a few things out of the way, before responding to some recurring comments and questions.
Zubeida Simmers and many others, note that this is indeed an opinion page, more specifically, my opinion page.
Commenting on our Facebook page, Zubeida wanted to know if I am getting paid to write such “garbage,” continuing with: “Aren't you supposed to be non-bias and not misleading?”
While I am a trained journalist, who gets paid yes, this page allows me to unpack current affairs, comment on social issues and generally share my thoughts about things I believe affect or interest us all.
I don’t always get it right and obviously you don’t have to agree with me.
But appreciate that as a journalist, I have the training to look at things a little more objectively than regular people.
That is because objectivity is literally part of my job-description. And while I put aside some of the other strict prescripts of my profession for the purpose of this page, objectivity is something I try to maintain throughout.
My opinions are never misleading, but rather are meant to be thought-provoking, by challenging your strongly-held beliefs, because it is imperative that we all regularly interrogate our convictions.
What is misleading are videos and statements from overzealous individuals acting on hunches, gossip and suspicions, causing their followers to play remote armchair judges, jury and executioners.
Let me get into some of the other comments, starting with the regular insistence that Kelly is in fact guilty as sin.
This is where my journalistic objectivity kicks in, because our law is clear that she remains a suspect, and the charges remain allegations, until a court decides otherwise.
People very easily overlook this critical aspect of our justice system, until they themselves need its protection.
This is not me defending Kelly. It is me defending her right to a fair trial, like I am required by my profession (and by virtue of being a responsible citizen) to do for everybody.
One of the many opposing comments came from Cynthia Gene, who says: “It's disgusting to learn that someone out there is defending this vile woman! She deserves whatever horrible (sp) coming her way.”
Many of the comments rubbished my belief that Kelly is a product of the society we all created. Much of it reads like this one from Ashurah Sydow: “… she is a mirror of you and your stupidity of being unable to differentiate between right and wrong.”
Right and wrong is of course both subjective, and heavily circumstantial.
It’s very easy to condemn theft as wrong while rubbing a full belly, when stealing a loaf of bread may be a hungry child’s only recourse. But such empathy is rare from the ivory tower of relative privilege.
As for my comments about some people seeking political mileage from their involvement, doesn’t mean they didn’t help the cause.
My statements had more to do with how long they will stay involved with the bigger cause of missing children, beyond Joshlin.
Will those individuals do the same after the 29th of May (election day), when a child goes missing elsewhere? Will they do the same intense searches to help find a missing little black girl in Khayelitsha, if need be?
I suspect not and I suspect they will have excuses that their supporters will find believable. Many people get terribly upset that I dared to suggest that Kelly is a product of our neglect as a society.
Michelle Kervel wrote: “We all had difficult choices to make, growing up in messed up societies, but taking such drastic measures, at the expense of your child, for your own pleasure is heartless.”
Eva Crowley added: “I however draw the line with an individual that is so hard up on her next fix that the mere fact of selling your daughter is beyond my comprehension.”
Firstly, we don’t know that she sold her daughter. Second, her alleged actions being beyond our comprehension, is exactly my point.
From what I understand about addiction, it is completely unreasonable, can detach you from your own actions, removes your inhibitions and causes you to do reprehensible things.
It’s why child soldiers were often force-fed drugs to get them to commit inhumane acts of violence.
Combine this with her dire, hopeless circumstances and you can come to understand (not condone), her doing something unthinkable.
Theresa Gosling says: “… if you want to use that as an excuse, then we should excuse murderers, rapists etc, for their evil deeds too. This is nonsense!”
Theresa, it is accepted that environments, absent fathers, dysfunctional homes, past traumas, bad examples and so forth lead to violent criminals. Not always, but often.
Of course the majority of people turn out decent enough, despite the same challenges.
Many studies have been done on how different people handle the same life stresses differently, which explains how Kelly ended up an addict, while her sister is a police officer.
It’s how my best school buddy ended up dying of an overdose, while I managed to escape the ghetto, relatively unscathed.
Some people push through in quiet desperation, some drink themselves into a stupor every weekend, others take themselves and their entire family out with a gun.
It’s the human condition and we cannot say others in worse situations didn’t succumb, so why did she.
In closing, there are a few lessons to be learned from the comments section.
Firstly, passion can very easily blind us to polite, reasonable discourse.
Second, once people have made up their minds about something, they are unable to hear or read an opposing view, no matter how much sense it makes.
Thirdly, mob psychology is useful for politicians, but it is a dangerous thing that can have fatal consequences.
Finally, let’s not forget one of the most definitive quotes about democracy: “I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death, your right to say it.”
dailyvoice@inl.co.za