It is the last week of Women’s Month and I worry that what I’m about to say may appear to be an attack on women. It is not.
These are merely observations and, as they say, if the shoe fits…
The question I have involves the duplicity involved in exposing unfaithful men on social media with the intention of ruining their reputations, so they may never make a living in their chosen profession again.
But then when their career survives the attack, demanding more of the money you tried to prevent them from earning.
I see this as either a particularly stark example of cognitive dissonance, or a schizophrenic-like form of hypocrisy.
The whole thing is even more inexplicably sinister when children are involved.
How can you attempt to destroy the income of the man whom you also want to support the child you share with him?
It simply doesn’t make any sense to reasonable people.
Maybe I just value privacy a lot. Or maybe my mother’s words actually stuck.
“Never wash your dirty laundry in public. Everybody has stuff. Deal with your stuff in private,” was something she would often say.
But that is a principle that is the exact opposite of what social media has become about.
There’s the need to over-share every thought and action in the pursuit of that momentary attention. The “like” addiction is completely out of control and absolutely nothing is sacred any longer.
Not even integrity is allowed to stand in the way of the rush of dopamine when your “friends” give you a half-hearted thumbs-up.
Anything and everything – even heartache – must be publicised, monetised and exploited.
There’s also no thought spared for the fact that these things will live on the internet forever.
Which means the children that people claim to want to protect, will one day have access to this very public ugliness.
But let’s get back to the topic at hand. Just to be clear, I do not condone the alleged cheating actions of the likes of local rapper YoungstaCPT, TV presenter Katlego Maboe, radio presenter Luwayne Wonder, Springbok star Elton Jantjies and soccer legend Matthew Booth.
But I also don’t agree with the reputational destruction they have had to endure as a result.
Over the last few years, we have been privy to some personal details about them, with the sole purpose of humiliating them as much as possible and even destroying their potential income streams.
Every incident is perfect proof that hell hath no fury like a scorned woman with a social media profile, which they weaponise to publish sordid details of skelmpie relationships.
I think most people don’t really care what sort of relationship you were in. I don’t even judge a woman who willingly chooses to be a side chick. Just accept that he is probably not going to leave his wife and that all relationships have issues.
Some we bring upon ourselves through bad choices, while others are due to no fault of our own.
But anything short of abuse, the details and memories should be kept private and possibly even treasured.
Anything else is tainting what could be a beautiful memory and replacing it with a sordid indignity on everyone involved.
Learn from the mistakes, move on and do better next time. Allow for growth in others who may have wronged you.
But I can never accept that you will now destroy someone, whom you once claimed to have loved so dearly, with no consideration for the trauma suffered by the children involved.
Bad-mouthing your ex is nothing new, and some people deserve the shame. But social media has become a weapon of mass destruction for celebs who make bad relationship choices, even though those choices are as old as the hills.
You should want nothing but the best health, wealth and happiness for the people you once loved.
And try to conduct your relationships in such a way that they wish the same for you.
breinou@gmail.com