Q Hi Auntie, please help me because I’ve gotten myself into a situation and I think I need some wisdom to get out of this.
I was bymekaar with a guy for over 10 years, but at the start of this year things got naar and we broke up.
I’m not going to go into the details, but let’s just say that it was nogal a messy split.
I was so bitter and angry, and I wanted to show my ex that he was a fool and that I’m over him and that he wasted my time and that I’m better than him.
But Auntie, I messed up. I met another guy and a month-and-a-half later we were married.
Now I’m stuck in this marriage without love.
My “husband” is mean and we fight all the time.
He does not have a good job, so he also takes some of my money to do whatever he wants, including spending it on his laaities.
I’m miserable all the time.
I want to go back to my family, but I know my mammie is going to give me an earful because she tuned me right from the start that this new man is trouble and that I am making a mistake.
And it’s not just my family, what will other people say about what I did? I have completely dissed my friends in this time as well.
Auntie, I just wanted to get back at my ex, not I’m in dik trouble.
I didn’t fool him, I only fooled myself.
What must I do?
A Shame my dear, Auntie can understand that you are miserable and feeling trapped. That’s why the first thing you need to hear is that you should stop worrying about what other people will say.
This is your life and you need to put yourself first!
Ander mense, even your family, can vlieg in their glory if they want to judge you for mistakes you have made.
Because that is what this is, honey. It’s a moerse mistake. And it’s good that you acknowledge it.
Admitting you screwed up is the first step to getting out of the popo.
Auntie is not going to give you a bekvol about the dom move you made by marrying a man you barely knew. Ons almal stem saam dit was ‘n fout.
The only thing you need to hear and take to heart is that you absolutely have to get out of this situation.
Auntie is not liking anything I am hearing.
Don’t stay in a situation where you’re not happy and don’t feel safe.
It's not going to be easy, but if going back to your mom and family is an option, that might be a good first step for now.
Even if she does give you some grief at first, Auntie is sure that will fade away and she will also give you love and support.
Because what you need to do is get a divorce.
Please reach out to local support services or organisations, or even your pastor or imam. They can provide you with guidance and help you through this difficult time.
My dear, don’t be shy about seeking help. Your well-being is what matters most.
Wishing you strength and clarity in making the right decisions for your future.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za