Q Yassis, Auntie, I need some advice.
My wife and I have a two-year-old son. We are first-time parents and I enjoy nothing more than being a father.
Bit of background: My father (sperm donor) was never a part of my life, but this just made me want to be a great dad to my laaitie.
Here’s the problem: my son wants me to do nothing for him, sy ma moet alles doen. I can’t dress him, feed him, and give him meds. Jinne, as die snot loep dan is dit mammie must wipe.
When I try to do it, he kicks and screams and goes on like a malletjie. Now the issue is I can see my wife is getting frustrated and overwhelmed because she never gets time to herself.
I am trying, I really am.
I tried the carrot – putting on his favourite shows, giving him sweets or even money, trying to make getting dressed fun by dancing or singing to him. Absolutely niks helps, he just cries for her to do it.
I tried the stick – give a little spank or make my stem dik. But this laaitie is stubborn like his pa.
I won’t lie, sometimes I feel a bietjie sad because, yoh, I also want to do these things for him and it makes me so angry when he performs so.
Please help, because I really don’t know what to do.
From Frustrated Dad.
A Yoh daddy, shame man. Auntie can imagine it’s not easy when your laaitie gives you the “mammie moet alles doen” vibes.
But don’t you worry, Auntie Pearl is here to help you out.
Firstly, let’s remember that your son is still a tot, and these things can happen with little ones. It’s not about not wanting you to help, just know that young kids are very attached to their primary caregiver, which in this case is his mother.
Here’s a bit of advice from Auntie:
1. Be patient
This could just be a phase, so be patient. Keep trying to connect with your laaitie, but do it gently. Don’t force the issue or get angry.
Little ones can pick up on your vibes, and it might make things worse. Try to be calm and loving when you’re helping him with stuff.
2. Quality time
Spend some time with him doing things he enjoys. Maybe take him for a walk, play with his toys, or do something fun together. This way, he’ll start associating you with good times, and he might be more open to you helping out.
3. Teamwork
Auntie knows your wife is just as frustrated as you are, but you are going to have to tackle this as a team.
Try to work out a schedule where you sometimes share the responsibilities like bathtime or supper time. Let your little one see you and mom working together to take care of him.
4. Consistency
Stick to routines. Kids often feel more secure when they know what’s coming. If you do certain tasks regularly, he might get used to it and be more accepting.
5. Reward system
You mentioned trying the “carrot” approach. Keep at it. Reward him when he lets you help – praise, stickers, or something he likes. Be consistent with this too. And forget about the “stick” approach – it’s never OK to hit a child (or anyone).
Remember, parenthood is a journey. Be patient and persistent, and eventually, your laaitie will come around.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, and keep being the best dad you can be.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za