Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I’ve got a situation that’s heavy on my heart.
As a laaitie, my life was an absolute rollercoaster, bouncing through foster care and shuffling between relatives.
My parents, to give it to you straight, were terrible. They abandoned me in a parking lot as if I was a bag full of klaar gevriete KFC bones.
Even after I was taken away from them, they made trouble with a family that genuinely wanted to adopt me, and I was put back into foster care. I haven’t spoken to any of my relatives in over a decade.
Here’s where it gets tricky. Over the years, I’ve told people, including close friends, that my parents are witbene. It’s just easier than having to dig into my painful past.
But now I’m dating a kwaai guy who I’ve known for a few years. He believes my parents are dead, but the truth is, they’re living in the Eastern Cape.
He knows I had a tough upbringing, but he’s not aware of the full extent of it. I know I need to come clean, but I’m terrified that it will change what he thinks of me. I lied to him. Plus, he’s very close to his own family.
How can I reveal the truth in the right way?
A Darling, Auntie is so sorry to hear about your vrot ouers and that you have had to carry this heavy load of secrets and pain from your past.
You deserve a high five for having the strength to overcome your challenging childhood and building a successful life and good relationship. That’s something to be proud of.
Now, about sharing your painful history with your berk, Auntie will tell you one thing: the truth will set you free.
Start by finding the right time and place for this conversation. It should be a time when you both are calm and have space to talk without distractions.
Let him know that you value your relationship with him and that’s why you want to share something important from your past.
Be honest about why you told people your parents were deceased and how difficult it is for you to discuss your upbringing and childhood.
Remember, this revelation is not just about your parents, you are also giving him a much deeper insight into your history, and yourself as a person. Your boyfriend should care about you for who you are today, not for your family background.
It’s also OK to be vulnerable and express your fear that this revelation might change how he sees you, but let him know it’s because you are all in on this relationship that you want honesty and openness between the two of you.
Give him the time and space to process this information. He may have questions or concerns, and it’s important to be patient and understanding.
Remember that honesty is one of the cornerstones of any strong relationship.
While sharing your past may be challenging, it can also bring you closer together.
Trust that your connection is strong enough to weather this revelation.
Good luck, sweetie!
dailyvoice@inl.co.za