Q Hi Auntie Pearl, so check this out!
I am 29 and I am with “Vinny”, 28, and we have been together for like seven years.
We go way back as friends, like almost two decades. But let me tell you, even though we have come a long road, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine, nuh?
The problem is that we are both still stuck living with our parents, because the job situation in this messed-up economy is swak.
Anyways, here’s the thing... Vinny se ma, “Marilyn”, is a real piece of work.
All his ex-girlfriends used to get invites to family parties and stuff. But me? Net mooi f*kk*l.
Marilyn is on my case for every little thing, man. I got kicked out early from a jol at their place for no good reason. It’s like she’s hunting for reasons to give me a hard time.
She skinners about me right in front of my face in isiXhosa, thinking I don’t understand. Ndithetha isixhosa kancinci! I know what she's jabbering about, and it ain’t pretty.
Oh, I forgot to say why Marilyn is not inviting me to family stuff, she says: “I don’t want white man’s diseases.” Like, what kinda k@k is that?
She is also always blowing up his phone, forcing him to call back.
All this drama is seriously messing with our mojo, you know? It’s like we're trapped in this cycle of Marilyn madness, and it’s killing the vibe of our relationship.
Vinny and I dream of having our own place, but I’m sommer already seeing Marilyn pulling surprise visits all the time.
I’m starting to wonder if I can have a relationship without Marilyn in the middle.
From “Stephany”
A Oh, my word, meisie! This is some serious mama drama you have going on here.
This Marilyn sounds like she’s got a whole buffet of issues simmering in her pot.
But honey, it sounds to Auntie like you also have more of a boyfriend problem than a mother issue.
Why is he not defending you? Why is he still so ingewerk in his family and not more independent?
Sure, it’s kwaai to be close with your family, and living with them complicates it a bit; maar jinne, hy is darem al amper dertig jaar oud and he should have a mind of his own.
So what’s the deal – is he happy for it to be this way, or does he lack the interest or skills to separate himself a little more?
That’s the first issue you need to figure out.
You need to tell him he needs to step up and stand by your side, no matter the storm.
And if Marilyn starts with her offensive nonsense, make it clear that you won’t tolerate her skinner any longer.
Auntie Pearl says it’s high time you both put your foot down – firmly, but respectfully.
Put those language skills of yours to good use. Next time Marilyn is rekking her bek in isiXhosa, calmly give her a dose of her own medicine and respond.
Drop a phrase or two in Xhosa that’ll leave her speechless, just something like “jy moet watch wat jy sê” or “you know I can understand you”.
She will probably have such a skrik that in future she’ll think twice about flapping her lips. And it will probably also earn you some respect!
But Stephany, dealing with the Marilyn madness is just one aspect of the situation; the most important thing here is your relationship with Vinny.
Communication and trust is the key.
TROUBLE: Berk’s mom has issues with meisieYou are going to have to talk to him and let him know how you feel, and what you expect from him in these situations.
If he can’t step up, it’s not going to matter if you have been together for seven or 27 years, things are going to crash and burn.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za