Q Hey there, Auntie Pearl. I’m in my early naughty 40s, been back in the dating game since I left my marriage in 2020.
It’s been a rollercoaster of one-night stands and jollery, but earlier this year I met a guy who I smaak to stick around – so the los stukkies are something of the past for now.
Auntie, even though this new berk is attentive, kind and we click like boerewors and pap at a braai, it’s only been a few months and he’s already dropped the L-bomb.
Now I’m all up in my head about it… and here’s what’s bugging me: his ex-wife.
They’ve been uitmekaar for over five years, and I get that they need to communicate because they have a laaitie, but it looks like he’s still got his hand in her cookie jar, if you catch my drift.
He’s always at her place helping to fix things, he cooks for them, and their chats over the phone are not just about the kid but all kinds of dinge.
All these things I can still take, but I recently discovered some of her underwear in a drawer at his house!
His excuse? She’s a scatterbrain who leaves stuff everywhere.
Now, Auntie, my own marriage was a gemors. I hardly see or talk to my ex because he was a dronk rubbish who abused me. But I’m not sure how normal ex-relationships work for couples who split for different reasons.
Is this panty situation, combined with them still being in each other’s lives, a red flag?
Help me figure this out, so I can decide if I should commit to this otherwise awesome relationship!
A Meisie, Auntie Pearl doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but there are a few things here that might raise an eyebrow or two.
It’s not uncommon for people who share kids to maintain a certain level of contact, but this ou seems to be taking it to the next level with the handyman duties, cooking and chatting.
Now just like you, Auntie can look past that, but him still having her underwear is not duidelik! Wat maak hy nog met die goed?
That excuse of her leaving things everywhere is nonsense… it’s been years since they broke up! Does that mean she is still hanging at his place? Not cool! And if she is leaving her panties lying around, what is she doing when she’s there?
Or is it that he is hanging onto her undies as something to remember her by? What does he do with it? Is die goed skoon of used? Oh no, Auntie rather doesn’t want to know.
But you should definitely find out. Because you might be in your naughty forties, maar dit maak jou nie nasty nie!
Honey, the bottom line is that no man who has a drawer full of his ex’s onderklere should be dropping the L-bomb and expecting commitment from other women.
If you smaak this new man in your life and see a future, it’s time to have a serious chat. Express your feelings and concerns honestly but kindly.
Let him know how this situation is making you feel. It’s essential to understand where he stands on boundaries with his ex and whether he’s willing to make some adjustments.
It’s not about being jealous; it’s about ensuring you’re in a relationship that makes you feel secure and valued. If he can’t see that this situation might be causing you discomfort and he’s not willing to make changes, then don’t waste your time on some panty hoarder still hung up on his ex.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za