Q Hey there, Auntie Pearl, you won’t believe what happened!
My fiancé had a pretty good run at the casino lately and came home with a fat wallet.
It could not have come at a better time, because our house was damaged and needed some repairs. I asked him to cover it because my pockets are empty.
Maar Autnie, hy wil niks daarvan hoor nie! He wants us to split the cost as we usually do, even though he earns way more than I do.
I can’t help but wonder if it’s fair that he’s all about splitting costs but doesn’t seem too keen on sharing the wealth.
Is it just my pride getting in the way, or is this a real concern?
It’s also bothering me that he’s so focused on dividing everything right down the middle instead of seeing us as a team running a household.
We’ve only been engaged for a couple of months, but we’ve been living together for over four years, so I’m worried this might not change after we get hitched.
A Let Auntie start by saying that all relationships have challenges, but if you add money matters to the mix, things can get even more complicated.
Some couples struggle with this even after being married for decades!
En jy kan mos verstaan. We all like to have some extra kroon in our pockets, and it’s not lekker to spend money on things like house repairs, even if you know it’s necessary.
That said, it’s completely reasonable to expect your fiancé to pitch in when there’s a financial hurdle, especially if he’s got a fat wallet from his casino winnings.
He might not like it, but he sure as hell has to understand it! A relationship can’t just be rigid and without compromise, so even though your usual “agreement” is to split costs, it makes no sense to stick to this when you are platsak and he is sitting on a pile of cash.
Express your concerns about the way expenses are being divided and how it makes you feel.
Let him know that you want to build a partnership where both of you are on the same page when it comes to money matters. This isn’t about who makes more; it’s about working together to make your shared life as comfortable as possible.
And it’s not about you just demanding him to pay because he has the cash, it’s about handling this unique situation together!
As for whether this behaviour will change after marriage, well, it depends on how willing both of you are to adapt and grow together.
Marriage can be a catalyst for change in a relationship, but it’s not a magical fix. You’ll still need to communicate, compromise, and find common ground.
Auntie Pearl suggests having a sincere conversation with your fiance, so you both understand each other's perspectives better.
That way, you can work together to create a financial arrangement that suits your partnership and leaves both of you feeling secure and loved.
Good luck, honey!
dailyvoice@inl.co.za