Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I’ve got this old friend Jack, who I really cherish, but lately I’m sukkeling to put up with his never-ending moans about his relationships.
Jack’s a solid dude, standing by me through thick and thin. But he’s always chasing after married vrouens, and now he’s on his third in just five years.
My wife and friends can’t stand his latest meisie, and my wife won’t even meet her.
Jack reckons she’s the one, but he still swipes away on dating apps and gripes about not finding a “decent woman” like my wife.
I told him to stop looking into other people’s marriages and it caused a big fight.
He wants me to promise not to judge his choices, but I’m feeling fed up and our other friends don’t want to hear about it.
How can I have a sincere chat with Jack about how his actions are affecting our friendship?
And if he won’t listen, should I consider letting this friendship go?
A My skat, it sounds like you’re in quite a pickle with your friend Jack. Auntie Pearl feels for you.
First things first, you need to have that honest conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how his actions are impacting your friendship.
Make sure he knows you care about him, but also that his dating choices are causing strain and making it difficult for you to support him.
Sometimes, people don’t realise how their actions affect others until someone spells it out for them.
To be honest, it sounds to Auntie like Jack could use some professional help like a relationship coach or therapist to help him understand his patterns and make better choices.
But Auntie also knows that those people are moer expensive, and who has spare change these days?
Maybe you can just nudge him to write to Auntie and I’ll set him straight. Perhaps he just needs to hear he’s being versin from someone who’s not his friend or family.
Now, if Jack still doesn’t listen or he stieks vas about having to change, then you’ll have to ask yourself some tough questions.
You have to put yourself and your values first, even if it means distancing yourself from your lifelong friend.
It’s never lekker to end a friendship, but you can’t let Jack’s behaviour drag you down or cause problems in your own life.
Remember, you can still care about Jack and hope for the best for him without being dragged into his drama.
Sometimes a bit of space and time can help people see the error of their ways.
So, stay strong, hartjie, and may you find the right path for you and your friendship with Jack.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za