Q Hi Auntie Pearl, I’m in my early 30s and currently in a relationship with a guy who’s 26 years old.
We have been dating for more than a year now and we are living together.
I work at a call centre in Century City and live in Delft. There is transport to and from work but my transport picks me up at 6am in the morning and I sometimes get home at 8pm or even later because of how far I stay.
My boyfriend has been acting weird lately. He knows the dynamic regarding my work transport, but lately, he seems to be so suspicious of the time I get home and I’m actually getting tired of explaining myself.
I have two kids, one in primary school and one in créche. My berk is not working at the moment and I get the feeling that he’s not making an effort to find a job, he is always waiting on someone “to make him a way” then he just sits at home and eats the whole day.
Some evenings I get home and my place is dirty and no food was made. I understand that he’s not working at the moment, but the least he can do is clean the flat, cook the supper, and see that my kids are sorted. Or am I asking too much of him, Auntie?
He has made new friends; they are a nice couple and I really like them, we’ve hung out a few times already. When I get home on a Friday evening, he’s always by them.
But he started dopping so much lately I feel like I’m being used financially. He starts drinking on a Friday and leaves the flat dirty and sometimes my kids have no food to eat and have to eat by his aunt where we are renting.
He stays out late, comes back and sleeps. Saturday morning he just wakes up, eats, gets dressed and leaves to go drink again, and same on Sunday.
So I’m left with a dirty place to clean and cook.
Sunday evening he comes home a bit earlier, than he says “sorry” but I don’t think he means it, because it’s not the first time he’s done it to me.
I love him, but I have two kids to think of.
Letting go is really hard, I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to get our families involved, so I’m coming to you Auntie, I desperately need advice because right now it feels like I’m working for him.
A Let Auntie just get this straight… you’re out there, working your butt off, dealing with the commute from Delft to Century City, and raising two kids.
Meanwhile, he’s just sitting on his gat at home.
And don’t get Auntie started on his drinking escapades. Leaving your place in a mess and your kids hungry while he’s off jolling and doing who knows what.
That’s not a partner; that’s a freeloader.
Auntie understands the whole situation is difficult because you say you love him, but love isn’t an excuse for him to treat you like a doormat.
Remember, love is a two-way street, and if he is just there for the good times but not willing to put in the work alongside you, then there is no way this relationship has a future.
You deserve better, and your kids deserve better.
Auntie suspects you already know what you need to do, but maybe you just need to hear it loud and clear: You need to tune this mampara straight. He needs to shape up or ship out.
We all know it’s tough finding a job these days, but at least he can be a decent man and help out around the house. Like you say, he can clean and cook and take care of the kids.
Jinne, Auntie would expect him to give you lekker foot rubs and shoulder massages every day when you get home. You are supporting him, after all.
It’s time to lay down the law, meisie: Tell him there will be no more hollang all day. If he’s not actively looking for work, he needs to take care of the house and the kids.
Plus, make it very clear that the drinking has to stop, immediately.
If he continues to act like a mampara, it’s time to kick him to the kerb.
Don’t let this slapgat excuse for a boyfriend bring you down.
You’re strong, and you can do this without him.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za