Q: Hello Auntie, please I hope you can help. I’ve been bymekaar with my man for almost eight years, and a few months ago we got hitched.
We have a little one on the way and life’s jas with us… except for one thing: My man has this snoring issue because of his sleep apnea. While he’s off in dreamland having a dos, his snoring is waking the whole bleddie neighbourhood!
He actually had this mask thingy he can wear that quietens the geraas, but whenever he’s had a few doppe he tunes me, “nah, I don’t smaak wearing that thing tonight”.
Auntie can only imagine how I’m suffering, because you mos know that a new mom needs to grab every bit of shut-eye she can. But his symphony of snores is keeping me up! When I try to talk to him about it, he flips his lid. It’s like he’s the toddler in the house, the way he goois a tantrum.
He sometimes gets so opgewerk, he calls me names and tells me that if I have a problem, I should go sleep on the couch.
Auntie, I’m so kwaad I’m even thinking about calling it quits if he doesn’t sort himself out and start showing some respect.
What should I do? I feel like I’m losing my mind over this.
From Shireen.
A: Listen meisie, while we all are sure the snoring is a problem, Auntie is seeing other red flags waving higher than the vlaggies at parliament.
Your hubby's geraas might be the background music to your nights, but it's his behaviour that's taking centre stage here.
Telling his wife to crash on the couch while he is sawing logs is unacceptable!
So while you might be telling us that “life is jas” except for his night time noises, Auntie Pearl is smelling more trouble than a skunk in a perfume factory.
How often is this man of yours – en nogal ‘n pa met ‘n nuwe baby – painting the town red with a couple of doppe in him? And let's not pretend these fights are just a drop in the ocean – they're like a tsunami crashing through your marriage.
The fighting is like a symptom of something else – just like the snoring is a symptom of his sleep apnea, and you two need to address the real issues, or your new marriage will be over before you know it. And if there’s one thing this world doesn’t need, it’s another child growing up in a broken home.
Auntie knows you are coming here for help, but this is not something that’s going to be fixed with one letter. You either need to sit down and have a serious talk and both commit to working on your relationship, or even better, get some counselling. Maybe you can even speak to an elder in your family or community, or the imam or dominee.
In the meantime, if you're desperate for some shut-eye, grab yourself some earplugs and a white noise machine – it might dull the noise, even if it doesn’t dull the pain. If all else fails, find yourself another spot to catch some sleep. It's not ideal, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your sanity intact.
But remember, my precious, these are just band-aids on a broken bone. You need to fix the root cause before your marriage will fall as flat as a banana bread that’s taken out of the oven too soon.
Listen to Auntie Pearl's wisdom: Get your marriage back on track before it's too late.
Q: Hi Auntie, there’s something that is bothering me. My berk often travels around for work - not far, but like to the towns around here - and there is this woman that works with him sometimes. She lives like three hours away from where we stay.
My boyfriend does not want to introduce me to this vrou. I hear about her all the time, because they work together and have lunch together. They also text a lot, but my boyfriend says it’s just about work.
Once I asked him if they ever had a thing going, and he said they slept together one time, but that it was long ago.
I’ve asked him a couple of times if I could meet her, but it never happens. I know he loves me and he told me so, but I don’t know if he is cheating on me. If she is just a work friend, why can’t I meet her? Should I be worried?
From Wanika
A: It might not be so weird that you have never met one of your berk’s work colleagues who lives hours away, and Auntie is not going to say you need to justify this whole situation.
You ask if you should be worried… well Wanika, let Auntie open your eyes and tell you that you are already worrying!
Iets voel nie reg met daai “work relationship” nie, nuh. Your gut is telling you one thing, and your berk is telling you something else. Which one do you believe in the most?
Listen, Auntie is not saying your man is jolling, but something about your situation is not lekker. If you don’t trust your man, dan is daar groot moeilikheid met jou relationship.
Would meeting this girl really give you the peace of mind you want? If so, then you need to make that clear to your boyfriend. Don’t just skimp for a meeting, tell him reguit that you want to get that work friend of his under your eyes.
If this man that you live with and who says that he loves you doesn’t want to make that happen, then Auntie thinks it’s pretty clear that you definitely have to be worried, and that there’s probably something sneaky going on between those two.
** Talk to pear: SMS “Pearl” and your message to 33258, or email dearauntiepearl@gmail.com.