Q. Hey Auntie Pearl, you won't believe the drama going down in our family!
It all started about three years ago when my younger brother “Joseph”, started dating “Ntombi”.
At first we were happy for him, because it was his first serious relationship, and he’s almost 30. But it wasn’t long before the popo started hitting the fan.
Ntombi is a real piece of work. Auntie, this chick is all kind of crazy, and she totally manipulated and degraded my brother.
Plus, she was always dissing our whole family, making us swak and being rude at parties.
We are a close family, so this was not ayoba for anyone.
When last year our daddy died, it was really hard on the entire family.
But Ntombi with her black heart didn’t feel anything, and she kept being a robbies at all our gatherings. Even when we were grieving she would pick fights with us for no reason.
Then four months ago, she dumped my boetie.
Hallelujah! We all were very happy and supported him, telling him how it is for the best because she was nasty and not good for him, and that nobody liked her anyway.
Even when he had a rebound fling we didn’t give him grief, because we wanted him to see that there are nicer girls out there.
Maar Auntie, hier kom nou weer trouble.
Last week my brother told us that Ntombi reached out to him and wanted to “just talk”.
Now we are scared that she might talk him into taking her back, and then our nightmare starts all over.
This is already such a stressful time, because the one-year anniversary of our daddy’s passing is coming up.
What should I do? Do we tune him to just ignore her and rather stick to his family?
Do we just suck it up and let him do whatever? Please send some wisdom!
From Jen.
A. Shame Jen, that ex of your boetie sounds like nothing but trouble. Auntie can sommer read in your email that their relationship is a nasty business.
Unfortunately, Auntie’s pearls of wisdom might not be what you want to hear. Because you are going to have to let your brother handle this on his own, in his own way, and let him make his own decision.
You can’t control who he dates or loves or marries and brings into the family. He mos knows how you feel about Ntombi.
Auntie knows it sucks and you don’t smaak a lifetime of stress with that girl in your life, but you also don’t want a rift in your family.
If having your brother in your life means dealing with her, aren’t you willing to pay that price over the price of losing him if you don’t?
Look, you are stressing about something that is not a sure thing. There’s no way of knowing that she is going to be around forever.
Perhaps your brother doesn’t take her back at all. Maybe he just has a “relapse” and realises sooner rather than later that life’s better without her.
Auntie is pretty sure that even if that is not the case, Ntombi is going to hit the road again anyway.
To be honest, this backslide sounds like it’s part of the way your brother is dealing with his grief over your daddy’s death.
With the anniversary of your loss coming up, and obviously your boetie is vulnerable right now (as you all are), so as naar as Ntombi is, she is familiar to him, which can be comforting when one is grieving.
Bringing up over and over how you don’t smaak Ntombi won’t help anything.
Joseph is going to take his own path, and learn the hard way.
As long as you are there to support him when he needs you, Auntie is sure everything will turn out fine.
Q. Hi Auntie, my girlfriend says my boss grabbed her ass when we were out one night at a bar. Now whenever I mention him she gets opgewerk.
I don’t think it’s such a big deal, he didn’t do anything again as far as I know.
She is now trying to tell me that I am not allowed to hang out with my boss outside of work, and that she will never invite him to our house and will also not let him even touch our baby.
She says he is a vark and a pervert.
Doesn’t this seem a bietjie over the top and unreasonable?
What can I do to get her over it?
From Mister T.
A. Good grief! Does that T stand for “taatie”?
You can be glad Auntie can’t see you, because even though violence is never an answer, Auntie would probably give you a snotklap!
It sounds like your girlfriend was sexually assaulted by your boss, and you just want to brush it off? Sies, skaam vir jou.
Where do you come from choosing your boss’ side over the mother of your child?
Let Auntie tell you one thing: your girlfriend’s behaviour is spot on.
In fact, it’s actually pretty chill compared to what it could be, especially since her partner is acting in such a terrible way, wanting her to “get over it”.
What you should be doing is to apologise to your girl, big time.
Get your act together and realise that your boss’ behaviour was totally unacceptable.
You should not want to have anything to do with him. Go look for another job, get away from that dirty, toxic man.
And if you can’t get away, keep your contact with him minimal. Definitely don’t do anything outside of work.
And really, you need to apologise to your girl for not supporting her.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za