Pearl
Q Hello Auntie Pearl, I need some wysheid about my daughter.
She has been shacked up with her boyfriend “Sonny” for about three years now.
He’s a bright spark with a solid kop op sy skouers, so I don’t have a problem with him.
The thing is, there’s still no ring on my baby girl’s finger!
She's already 34, and I'm starting to worry she's gonna miss out on having little ones.
Now, I'm thinking of having a sit-down with them, maybe drop some hints about tying the knot and popping out some grandkids, but I don't want to mess things up more (oh, I should say that Sonny has mentioned that I should work on my temper).
How can I chat with them without causing a moerse fight?
From Lekker Ou Bob
A Hokaai, hold up there, daddy!
Auntie needs to get this straight – so you're telling us your daughter's been living with her man for years already, and now you're thinking of sticking your nose in their business?
Sorry, but that's a recipe for disaster.
Auntie gets that you just want the best for your daughter, but this is not a situation where she is being treated badly or in danger.
Ou Bob, you have to really be lekker and realise your daughter’s love life ain’t no game show where you get to buzz in with your opinions whenever you feel like it
Those two are adults and it sounds like they are pretty sorted.
Your gedagtes about their “family timeline” has no place in their relationship.
Now, we all know Auntie likes a happy marriage, but we have to realise that it’s not for everyone. And neither is popping out kids!
Some people are happy just to be in a relationship, and not have children.
If you want a future with them, glo vir Auntie as sy vir jou sê that no one's gonna stick around for a potjie if you keep stirring up drama.
So, take a step back, Ou Bob, and let your daughter live her life.
If you wanna be part of her journey, start by fixing what needs fixing in your own backyard.
Q Hi Auntie, I really hope you can help with some drama we have going on in our family.
It’s gotten moerse uncomfortable because there is a situation involving my husband and my sister.
The issue at hand is my sister's smoking habit, which my husband does not smaak at all.
While I'm not particularly thrilled about it either, I've learned to tolerate it to some extent.
However, things escalated during a recent family jol at our house.
Now Auntie, my sister doesn’t kap entjies inside the house, but she did go out to her car a couple of times to smoke.
The problem is the stink of cigarettes lingers on her when she returns.
This, coupled with my husband's dislike for smoking, led to a tense atmosphere during the party.
My hubby totally ignored my sister the whole time, not talking to her at all.
Plus, every time she came back from a puff he would make a scene by coughing and dramatic attempts to air out the house by opening the windows and all the doors, even though it was vrek koud.
Things reached max awkwardness when our daughter wanted to spend time with her auntie.
My husband told her not to go near that woman and rather go watch TV.
Needless to say, the entire day was uncomfortable for everyone.
Auntie, I’m not saying he has to approve of her smoking, but she is my only sister and I just want him to at least treat her kindly.
Maar hy wil niks hoor nie. He just says it’s a filthy habit and now he sommer doesn’t want her at our house at all unless she quits!
Help! From Gucci Girl.
A Jinne meisie, you really are in a stinky situation and Auntie is going to give all of this a double sies!
The first one is for your sister’s roek moves, and the second is for your hubby’s maniere.
To be honest, Auntie thinks they are both in the wrong.
Let’s start with your sis. She must certainly know that your husband doesn’t like her smoking and the smell it leaves on her, so why is she doing it?
Seriously, can’t she just give it up for a few hours while she is at your house?
A person mos respects other peoples’ houses and ways of living.
But your husband is also a bit out of line. Just because she is doing things he doesn’t smaak, does not mean he has to be a doos about it.
Auntie would actually like to know if he ever really had a calm, adult conversation with her about the whole smoking situation. Actually, have YOU had the convo with your sis?
Because that’s what needs to happen here - those two have to get on the same page.
As far as Auntie is concerned, your sister should not be smoking when she is at your place; and your hubby needs to get some better maniere, even if he does disapprove of her habits.
Listen Gucci Girl, you are going to have to play peacemaker here.
Get those two to sit down and have a talk. Choose a neutral location, not one of your houses. Make sure your sister does not smoke, and make sure your husband knows he has to be nice.
Because the big thing is that you don’t want your family to be ripped in two over a entjie.
Also, you and your sister can still hang out without your hubby throwing a tantrum.
Plan some get-togethers at her place. And if he can’t handle it, he can mos stay at home.
All this is, is a simple compromise between those two. They just have to start acting like grootmense.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za