These days, many children have a huge sense of entitlement and can’t (or won’t) differentiate between a need and a want.
Social media glorifies influencers who push name brands, which leads to children thinking everything is available to them.
Sometimes not caring what their parents have to do to get it for them.
I’ll be honest – I haven’t ever, and don’t intend to take tantrums or arguments from my children insisting on things that I can’t afford.
Ek vattie drama van my kabouters nie!
But I know that everyone’s parenting style is different, especially when it comes to money.
Let’s be clear, there is no way in hell that I am going to put myself into unaffordable debt for a child who makes demands for name brands and unnecessary things.
I think that we have gotten so caught up in this concept of “giving our children the things that we never had” that we forget to actually give them the things (like morals and values) that we have.
I don’t know about you but when I was growing up, my parents never spoke to me or my siblings about money and certainly never included us nor asked our opinion on decisions made with regards to money.
My father worked. He gave the money to my mother and she saw to the household.
My father was a joiner/cabinet maker and my mother ran a tuck shop from our house.
We certainly weren’t rich but we weren’t poverty stricken either.
The money motto in our house was “as daar is, dan is daar, en as daar nie issie, dan is daar nie.” No questions asked.
Today’s life is different. Nearly every household has debt, and nearly every household is struggling with rising costs.
Single–headed households, as well as families where both parents work, are just about keeping their heads above water.
Adults in some homes are constantly fighting about money and children are exposed to this.
Many go out to join groups of undesirable friends, just to get out of that space of conflict.
To adjust to our current reality, it seems that we are going to have to break tradition and actually speak to our children about the value of money, and their personal values as well.
Often we don’t give our children enough credit for being aware of what is happening around them.
Just because they aren’t speaking about certain things doesn’t mean they aren’t aware of it.
So rather have open, honest discussions about household finances with them, than have them make up scenarios in their head.
They don’t need to know exactly how much we earn, but they should be aware of the overall financial situation of the household, so that they know what the boundaries are.
Don’t sugar-coat things. If you are experiencing financial hardship, tell them about it.
Discuss short-term and long-term changes that they too can make, to help the situation.
For example, if you tell them straight out that there is no money for a particular big-ticket item that they might want (TV, Xbox, Playstation) for the next six months.
It will stop them asking and nagging in anticipation every month. This can take a lot of emotional pressure off you and the family.
Children, especially younger ones, learn quickly from what they see. Don’t underestimate their intelligence. If they can interact via a cellphone, then they can transact via money.
Take them with you when going to banks, ATM’s and when you pay with your cards at till points.
Explain to your children about the difference between a debit and a credit card. Some children think you have unlimited money, simply because they see you swiping all the time.
If you haven’t explained it to them, can you blame them for their child-like assumptions?
Open a bank account for them and let them start interacting and being responsible for their own money. Most banks have accounts for children that have little or no fees attached.
If children can navigate Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, then they can navigate most banking apps.
One of the saddest things I see is young adults who are six months into their first job (often a call centre) and their entire salary is going towards paying debt.
We need to start changing the narrative around money in our communities and see to it that our children follow better patterns and make better financial decisions.
We have to:
n Encourage our children to save money (even the smallest amount)
n Discourage them from becoming over-indebted
n Teach them that their value does not lie in what they are wearing, driving, following or putting out on social media
n Put them in touch with a financial advisor
n Get them to realise that instant gratification is no match for financial stability
I think that the reason our community remains so indebted and so financially disempowered is because we don’t talk about money: the good, the bad, the ugly and the great.
Because of that, we don’t find solutions to financial problems, and we stay in a vicious cycle of debt, money mismanagement and ignorance.
And we watch as everyone else creates wealth and financial stability, and passes us by.
We need to start speaking to our children about money.
info@moneywithmb.com