Q Hey Auntie Pearl, I’ve got a bit of a situation on my hands.
You see, I’ve been married to my wifey for over a decade now. We got bymekaar in the late 2000s, got hitched just over a year later, and we’ve been living the good life ever since.
We tied the knot when we were still almost kinners – I was 21, she was 20 – and we settled into married life real quick.
Let me tell you, Auntie, she’s my everything, and I’m grateful for every single day she blesses me with her presence. I can’t even picture my life without her.
But here’s the thing, Auntie. Every now and then, I get gedagtes about what I missed out on.
I’ve got this nagging idea in my head that dating could be kinda cool, you know? Meeting new people, developing romantic connections, deciding if I want to commit or keep it casual… daai soort dinge.
I’ve brought it up with my wife, and she’s OK with the fact that I feel this way. I’ve made it clear that it’s genuine curiosity and not some dissatisfaction with our relationship.
So, Auntie Pearl, I guess my question is this: Am I fooling myself into thinking I’m content with my life?
I never feel like I’ve wasted my time or love by being with her. I’m just curious about what it’s like to be out there, dating and all.
Do you think I should explore the idea with my wife that I should go on dates, without the whole “next level” business, if you know what I mean?
I don’t want to mess up what I have for something that is just a phase.
From Curious and Committed
A Hi there, Curious and Committed!
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with Auntie. It’s great to hear that you and your wife have been rocking the married life for over a decade now. That’s a real achievement, my friend!
Now, Auntie understands that sometimes a person can’t help but wonder about what “could have been”. It’s natural to have these thoughts and questions, especially when you got hitched at a young age.
But here’s the thing, my dear: Questioning and curiosity don’t necessarily mean you’re fooling yourself into thinking you’re content with your life.
You’ve made it clear that you adore your wife and appreciate every single day she’s a part of your life. That’s a beautiful thing, and it’s duidelik that you value what you have.
So, let Auntie tune you straight: Those thoughts of curiosity don’t diminish the love and appreciation you feel for your wifey.
It’s OK to wonder about what it’s like to be out there, experiencing the dating world. It doesn’t mean you’re unsatisfied or that you’ve wasted your time.
Now, should you explore the idea of going on dates with your wife's understanding, but without taking it to the “next level”?
Yoh, Auntie not so sure about that. If this was the first couple of weeks when you just started dating and you were not “exclusive”, then jolling about would not be a problem. But doing this 10 years into a marriage… hayibo!
Here’s a better idea for you to consider. Instead of venturing into the dating world outside of your relationship, why not try a bit of roleplaying?
Roleplaying can be a fun and exciting way to add some spice to your relationship. Pretend to be other people, create different scenarios, and go on “dates”. Let your imagination run wild.
This way you can experience the excitement of dating while staying true to your commitment.
If you really can’t get dating other people out of your head, careful consideration and open communication between the two of you is all that Auntie can suggest.
Honesty is key, my dear. Talk to your wife about your thoughts and feelings.
Let her know that it’s not about seeking something more or jeopardising what you have.
It’s simply a desire to satisfy your curiosity while maintaining the solid foundation of your relationship.
If you do decide to explore the idea of going on dates, make sure you establish clear boundaries and expectations with your wife. Keep the lines of dialogue open and check in with each other regularly to ensure that both of you feel secure and fulfilled.
Remember, my dear, life is a journey filled with choices and opportunities. It’s OK to have moments of curiosity and wonder.
As long as you approach it with respect and love for your partner, there’s no reason why you can’t explore new experiences while cherishing the incredible bond you've built.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za