Q Eish, Auntie Pearl, you won’t believe the drama I’m facing!
I was married long ago when I was barely more than a laaitie. It didn’t work out.
Auntie mos knows how it goes; we grew up and grew apart. The divorce was smooth, no fights, and we even stayed friends until my ex moved away.
Fast forward a decade and I’m now married again.
She is an amazing woman and we are very happy.
Of course, it’s not all smooth sailing, because we sometimes hak vas like all couples.
It’s been a tough couple of years recently because I lost my job because the company shut down.
Thankfully, I recently got a new job.
Here's where the pot starts to boil: My ex-wife, who’s still single, turns out to be a manager at my new workplace!
Auntie, ek sweer ek hettie gewiet sy is daar nie! Her name is as common as bokkoms on the West Coast.
When I found out, we started catching up through email, but it was just a hello here and there.
But now my new wife is stalking my ex online and always asking me things like if I still think she is hot, and even accusing me of meeting her at work.
Auntie, we don’t even work in the same blerrie building.
I don’t get what’s going on, Auntie.
My wife never used to be jealous like this.
I’ve tried to explain, maar sy hou dik that I’m doing something wrong. She’s totally milly, because one moment she tunes me to quit and the next moment she hits me up for money to go party with her friends. What must I do?
From Working Willem
A Listen Willem, don’t you go quitting! These days, a job is skaarser as hoendertande. Unless you have other income lined up, stay where you are.
Because if you think the current situation is hectic, just imagine what it will be like if you don’t have money coming in.
What really gets Auntie hot under the collar is this gedagte you threw in at the end about your wife being happy to use your hard-earned cash to go jol, but that she complains about how you are making it. Hayibo!
Combine this with the cyber-stalking she is doing, and Auntie is ready to agree with you that she is a bit taatie.
Honestly, it almost sounds like she needs some professional help. But before we get to that, let’s try and sort this out between us.
Your wife is clearly in a bad space. Why this is, Auntie doesn’t know.
What I do know is that you need to handle her carefully. A simple start would be to just reassure her that you will cut contact with your ex – even if there was almost no contact to begin with.
Tell your wife that you are working in another building. Then assure her that going forward you will not email, chat or talk to your ex.
It sounds to Auntie like you were anyway not planning to seriously reconnect with your ex, so might as well go back to having no contact at all.
If your wife comes with her “do-you-think-she-is-hot” gedagtes, just immediately tell her you have no idea, because you don’t know what she looks like these days. Of course, make sure you don’t follow your ex on social media.
This might all sound like hectic moves, but let’s try and get your wife to chill ‘n bietjie.
Of course, there is nothing chill about this. And you have to make this clear to her as well.
Have an open and honest conversation with your wife that while you are making compromises, you expect her to step up.
She needs to know that living with this kind of paranoia is not sustainable and if she wants the marriage to last, it’s going to require some work on her end.
Basically, she needs to find a way to manage her emotions well enough that you aren’t forced to make unreasonable compromises.
And if she’s going on with her online stalking and tuning you about what you think about your ex, tell her she needs to stop immediately, or you are going to stop dishing up the cash.
dailyvoice@inl.co.za